HUMMER Fitness
I'm sitting at the HUMMER Service station, getting me oil changed. Above me is a tee-vee playing a Fox Reality show. It's barely 9 a.m. and the stuff I hear coming out of the mouths of these people used to be HBO-only material.
The assistant manager for this dealership, who sold me my bright yellow H2 back in 2003, dropped by to tell me about the special limited edition H2 coming out. It'll be bright orange - and there will only be 1500 of them made, worldwide. Nice appeal to my elitist snob mentality - but I think I'll pass.
When I first bought my HUMMER I conceived of a great fitness program to go along with it. I won't give you all the specifics, but depending on all the add-ons you can get, it would be very easy for you to pull up alongside the road and begin doing your Combat Conditioning routine.
Truly!
Just pull alongside the road, jump on top of the rack you can have installed on the roof (which will hold four people on lawn chairs) and you've got the perfect setup for Hindu squats, Hindu pushups, bridging and much more.
Not only that, but once you've finished with the above, you could jump down on the ground and try pushing the monster SUV gas-polluting beast down the road. If someone puts the beast in neutral, it would truly be a sight to see, YOU pulling or pushing a HUMMER down the road.
By the way, a bit later today I'm going to make an announcement about my all-new Zen Master Beating of the Month program. It'll be a monthly DVD program that will be far better than the ridiculous Reality TV playing on the idiot box right now. Stay tuned.
Also, my apologies for the technical snafu some of you experienced when trying to view the whooping I gave out at my last seminar. If you haven't seen the LIVE footage of me Whalin on Whelan - you can view it NOW.
Kick butt - take names!
Matt Furey
The assistant manager for this dealership, who sold me my bright yellow H2 back in 2003, dropped by to tell me about the special limited edition H2 coming out. It'll be bright orange - and there will only be 1500 of them made, worldwide. Nice appeal to my elitist snob mentality - but I think I'll pass.
When I first bought my HUMMER I conceived of a great fitness program to go along with it. I won't give you all the specifics, but depending on all the add-ons you can get, it would be very easy for you to pull up alongside the road and begin doing your Combat Conditioning routine.
Truly!
Just pull alongside the road, jump on top of the rack you can have installed on the roof (which will hold four people on lawn chairs) and you've got the perfect setup for Hindu squats, Hindu pushups, bridging and much more.
Not only that, but once you've finished with the above, you could jump down on the ground and try pushing the monster SUV gas-polluting beast down the road. If someone puts the beast in neutral, it would truly be a sight to see, YOU pulling or pushing a HUMMER down the road.
By the way, a bit later today I'm going to make an announcement about my all-new Zen Master Beating of the Month program. It'll be a monthly DVD program that will be far better than the ridiculous Reality TV playing on the idiot box right now. Stay tuned.
Also, my apologies for the technical snafu some of you experienced when trying to view the whooping I gave out at my last seminar. If you haven't seen the LIVE footage of me Whalin on Whelan - you can view it NOW.
Kick butt - take names!
Matt Furey
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