I’m not supposed to write about “depression” because its a medical term now, so I’ll talk about grief and sadness instead.
All of us will encounter grief and sadness in our lives, and it’s a good emotion to feel, until it becomes debilitating.
There’s usually a fine line between the good and the bad and no one knows where that fine line begins or ends.
Taken to an extreme, the brain and nervous system are negatively affected by grief, so it’s a good idea to have a way to dump out the dirty water so you can return to homeostasis and experience peace of mind.
Personally, when my Dad passed away, that was rough. I thought it would be easy compared to my Mom’s passing, but it was much, much tougher. There’s something about losing the patriarch that people today have lost sight of in the “we don’t need men” culture.
Yes, we do need men. Strong men. We need them now more than ever.
We have enough weak, timid and emasculated men. But contrary to what so many were taught, a man who grieves is not weak as he can find great strength in letting himself go through the process.
At the same time, a man knows there is work to be done, and getting after it is part of what makes him happy. Same goes for women, by the way.
But if you can’t get yourself going because there’s more grief than guffaw, you are wise to take a step backward to regain your composure.
When I refer to “stepping backward” I am being literal, not just metaphorical.
When I came out with Dao Zou many years ago, I was surprised at how much it benefitted me. I went from feeling so-so or decent to feeling ecstatic. I slept better and was incredibly calm after each session, and for many hours afterward. Additionally, my memory improved to the point that I began to recall times in my life that I shouldn’t have been able to recall – including my birth.
At first, I wondered if I was making it all up – but then I asked myself, “Why would you make up something when you have no intention of doing so?”
Oddly enough, the first person I remembered seeing after I was born was my Dad, standing there with his fedora on, smiling, but not too much because he’d seen a similar show six times already.
My Mom had a major influence on me and I was mistaken when I thought more so than my Dad. My Mom was definitely more comfortable to be around, but it was Dad who had the sayings that penetrated my stubborn skull the deepest.
Some of his sayings were not so kind and I’ll leave it at that, but he made up for the cruelty with brilliance, especially when I was heartbroken after a brutal loss.
“You have an uncanny way of turning a disadvantage into an advantage,” he told me after one of my non-stellar moments.
I didn’t know what he was talking about at the time as I didn’t have my observer working for me the way it works now. But he was accurate.
All of us have the ability to turn disadvantages inside-out, and that includes turning losses into wins. This ability also includes changing the direction we’re headed by stepping back and seeing the whirld from a different angle and direction.
We tend to think of the grass far in front of us being greener, but this overlooks the fact that the grass directly in front of us may be greener than we thought.
Logically, you may not think that going in reverse will do much of anything for you, but as I first stated at an event some 20 years ago, with no idea I was going to say such a thing, “There is no magic in logic.”
The whole truth is there can be magic in logic, but there can be just as much, if not more magic in the illogical.
Going in reverse the way I teach in Dao Zou is a game changer. It turns grief into a good thing by vacuuming up the excess without even trying, while restoring the good.
Matt Furey
Here’s the link to Dao Zao
