Here’s a topic that’ll get the self-love ga-roos in a tizzy.
Which works better to get you going? Is it shame or is it love? Or a combination of the above?
An example from my past: I walk onto the mat supremely confident that I am going to win. I look at my opponent and size him up. “He’s nothing,” I say to myself.
Then I get my ass kicked. I don’t just lose, I lose bad. Real freakin bad.
My family is there to watch. My friends are there, too. I think I’m going to put on a show for them, make them feel proud… and the exact opposite happens.
When I walk off the mat I am not only crushed, I feel humiliated. At this point, it would be fair to say that I feel a deep sense of shame.
Then what happens? At some point, when I’m finished feeling sorry for myself, I get my act together. I say something to myself such as, “No one is ever going to do THAT to me again.”
And then what happens? I get to work. I start training with more conviction, more focus. I put in more time. I stop taking things for granted. I stop being over-confident. I take every opponent seriously, even if everyone else says he’s “dog shit.”
Don’t know about you, but that’s how it worked for me.
In a recent conversation with a very accomplished friend, we discussed the topic of shame, and he told me that “Shame is my biggest motivator. It’s what drives me to get better at everything I do.”
Now, I realize that this is the exact opposite of what the self-lovers have to say. So who’s right and who’s wrong?
That’s something you’ll have to figure out for yourself.
If you’re overweight and totally out of condition, and you prefer to look in the mirror and say, “I love myself,” – if that gets you going, then you are awesome. I’m happy for you. But please bring me the receipts and show me how much you’ve improved with this method.
On the other big toe, if you strip down and take a look at your body in the mirror, and you feel a sense of shame, you might want to do something different, such as repeating out loud, “Oh gawd, I look terrible. I feel ashamed of myself. This is NOT how I am supposed to look.”
Now, what if you really let yourself feel so much shame, that you dare yourself to repeat the “I feel ashamed,” affirmation five or six times? What would happen?
Well, this is something you would have to test on yourself to see if it works. It may work for you, then again, it might not.
Chances are, if you really want to make a change for the better, then this self-shaming will jumpstart your engine… and get you into the best shape of your life.
13 years ago this summer, I was running hill sprints with my son in Evian, France. I remember talking with a roly-poly woman afterward. She asked me why we were running the hills so hard, and what it was doing for us. I told her, without shaming her in the least, that running hills sprints gets you in shape fast.
To this she replied, “I AM IN SHAPE. And my shape is ROUND.” That got a laugh and I loved her for being so honest.
Why? Because this woman had zero interest in improving her fitness, her looks or her shape. She was happy being roly-poly. Or so she says. And if that is the case, no sense fighting it.
Anyway, that’s enough about this highly controversial topic, except to say, if shame works for you, use it. It may be the most powerful weapon in your arsenal. If it doesn’t work for you, avoid it.
Matt Furey
And now, a shameful plug: The first part of my Tiger Isometrics course is now up on the Furey Faithful website. Follow along with me and “get in shape.” Or, tell yourself you already are in shape. Whichever it is.
