Yesterday the Yokozuna, the grand champion of sumo, Terunofuji, a Mongolian who is almost 400 pounds, got into one helluva match with a smaller opponent, Tobizaru, who had an 0-2 record.
Most people would think the 0-2 guy would have no chance against the grand champion, but let’s see… after all, this is SUMO.
The bout went on for about a minute, during which time Tobizaru looked at though he was going to show the crowd his nuts, schlong and possibly much more.
I kept thinking that the referee was going to stop the match, temporarily, and allow Tobizaru an opportunity to re-robe, to put his muwashi (diaper-looking belt) back on. But he refrained.
The two shoved each other around the ring. The Yokozuna was going to win easily. He kicked at Tobizaru’s shin bone, which almost worked to destabilize him. Then Tobi struck back, putting himself in danger. The Yokozuna wrapped around Tobi’s arm, one of his signature holds, bit down hard, turned sideways to crank his elbow, putting himself in position to launch him… HARD.
But Tobizaru’s arm slipped out, possibly from the sweat, or from elite technique, or some other reason, and the Yokuzana, who was previously in great position, if he still had his opponent’s arm, was now out of position. Tobizaru seized the moment and pushed the big guy out of the dohyo (ring).
Purple cushions flew into the ring from all around, as fans showed their support for David knocking off Goliath.
Now, here’s the most amazing thing about the bout…
[Hold on… UPS is at the door. Be back in a flash… I’m back, and the idiots I ordered a new pair of shoes from, sent me the wrong color and the wrong size. Ugh. Well, enough about that. Let me continue.]
The most amazing thing about this spectacle was the interview afterward. After the match ended, both rikishi (sumo wrestlers) exited the stage, walked through a tunnel, accompanied by their toadies. This takes a few minutes, as these guys slowly walk back to their dressing rooms. They are in no hurry at all.
BUT… three to five minutes later, when Tobizaru was being interviewed, he was still panting uncontrollably. It was so bad I thought he might be part-hyena, minus the laughing.
The reporter asks him a question and in typical sumo fashion, the wrestler gives very brief answers, such as “Hai, arigato gozaiyimas.”
But Tobizaru, instead of immediately answering, panted for a few seconds, then answered while continuing to pant, and followed up his answer with more out-of-control panting. As I sat watching this interview continue for a few minutes, the panting never stopped. At times it appeared to be getting worse.
This made me wonder how much theater goes into these post-match interviews. No one is panting five minutes after a fight ends, no matter how bad his condition. Even someone who doesn’t train at all, doesn’t pant for that long.
So this begs the question, was the match a shoot (real bout) or was it a work (fake). I’m leaning toward the latter. And why not? Much of what we see in pro sports is a sham (just read the back of your ticket stub sometime and you’ll get a clearer picture).
Even so, whether the match was a shoot or a work, whether the interview was exaggerated or not, you gotta agree, it’s damn good theater. And perhaps I’m a better man (hehe), for watching.
Kick ass – take names!
Matt Furey
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